I’ll admit it; I didn’t know a lot of the songs covered in Rock of Ages. I’m not really up on my ’80’s rock (I was listening to ’60’s rock in the ’80’s). So I wasn’t as interested in the premise of this movie as others of my generation might be. However, I like a good musical, so I gave it a shot. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good musical. I think Les Miserables has spoiled me for traditionally recorded movie musicals. The actors look so ridiculous mouthing to their own voice tracks–I can’t even take them seriously anymore. But that’s not Rock of Ages big problem. It’s too long, too boring and too disjointed. Even the actors don’t seem to take the proceedings very seriously, except for Tom Cruise who commits fully as Stacee Jaxx, a boozed up parody of veteran rockers. And Tom has a surprisingly good voice…he’s come a long way from the cocky jet pilot who brayed “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” in Top Gun.
The plot is surprisingly uncomplicated for such a very long film. A young singer with big dreams (Julianne Hough, skanking it up as usual) arrives in LA only to become a waitress and then stripper. She meets another young dreamer (Diego Boneta) who actually does make it to the big time, only to be transformed into a boy band wannabe. These two crazy kids fall in love with the backdrop of a failing rock club where the aforementioned Stacee Jaxx got his first big break. This club is on the verge of being shut down by the mayor’s fanatic wife (Catherine Zeta Jones) and her posse of religious housewives, so the owner (Alec Baldwin, looking old and scruffy) stages a comeback for his old friend.
If you’re interested in the music or curious to hear these assorted actors sing, pick up the soundtrack. Otherwise, skip this one.
This is Orly’s Rock Solid, a gunmetal gray shimmer with large flecks of silver and bits of holographic glitter. The above picture is 3 coats (this one was surprisingly sheer for a polish with so much going on) and no topcoat, which left it surprisingly rough to the touch. ~K