Dark Shadows

I am a pretty big Tim Burton fan. Have been for as long as I can remember. And as for Johnny Depp, well, I am in love with him. I have to admit that I was pretty disappointed by their version of Alice in Wonderland, but that is nothing compared to the hot mess that is Dark Shadows. Johnny stars as Barnabas Collins, a man who is cursed to be a vampire when he spurns the love of a witch named Angelique (Eva Green). Not only does she curse him, she also kills his fiance, Josette (Bella Heathcote), and buries him alive (or rather undead) in a coffin. Almost 200 years later, Barnabas is dug up and moves back in with the remnants of his family (Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloe Grace Moretz and Gulliver McGrath). He revitalizes the family fishing business and attempts to woo the family governess, Victoria (also Bella Heathcote), while trying to avoid the still vengeful Angelique.

The plot lacks focus and feels like a hodge-podge of several movies. I couldn’t tell if I was supposed to laugh or be scared most of the time. There is a serious lack of character development (something that makes me crazy) and the opening scenes feel rushed and tacked on. Johnny gets a real chance to shine and makes the most of it, but it feels like most of the other actors are vastly wasted. The one exception is Eva Green’s Angelique, who probably could have filled her own movie and I wouldn’t have minded. The production design is (of course) astounding and the culture shock of 18th century Barnabas in the 1970’s is quite funny, but it feels so rushed with a lot of montages set to a soundtrack of the time period.

All in all, this one is a pass for me. I feel the need to go watch Edward Scissorhands and get the yucky taste of Dark Shadows out of my mouth.

Pretty Serious Viscous Vampire

I originally planned on painting my nails with Orly’s Buried Alive (from the Dark Shadows Collection, of course!), but then I decided to go with something a little less obvious (and because I thought of another movie where I could use Buried Alive). This is Pretty Serious’ Viscous Vampire, from this year’s Monster Mash Collection. With a vibrant, blood-red base and tons of glitter (pink and purple, as far as I can tell), this is an awesome polish. My one complaint is that it is a little bit thick and gloopy, but just a teeny-tiny bit. This picture is 2 coats and a topcoat. ~K

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